letting go

(andrealaugh's)

well. hello beautiful.

how amazing is it to be alive today!

i had one of those subconcious crisis moments yesterday

especially after my retreat over the weekend

with 50 of the most amazing people i have ever met at one time

so feeling completely renewed

and amazinggg from the incredible amount of God's love

i had to escape again

so i did.

i got out of the shower, got in my car, and left.

my favorite thing about this

is that i have only known these people for a week.

a week TODAY!

happy anniversary my EWCers

anyway :)

God was dragging me through my valley

for such an extensive amount of time

but i never gave up on Him

i was told that if i lived through my valley

and held strong

i would soon appreciate my mountain with everything that i have

and i did. so much.

i am alive again

breathing. tasting. looking. feeling.

isnt it incredible? this life?

its immaculate

soooooo immaculate.

i was with a group of people last night who made me feel so at home

i could sob like a child over it

the relationship i have with these people gives me chills

it wasnt until last night, when i was sitting in my friend Anna's house

that everything for me became absolute.

i was so in love with who i am

and my new friends.

and most of all, God.

being alive, and letting go has been the best thing

that has ever happened to me in my nineteen years of living

and i have met some amazing people along the way

along with bettering my relationship with my Savior.

and im happy.

so happy.

SO

now you need to stop and think.

do the people in my life HONESTLY make me feel

as amazing as i deserve to feel.

because honestly sweetheart you only live once.

so take the opportunity when it arrises

grab it by the horns

LETS GO

your alive

what is better than that!

push all the people in your life out

who bring you down

and bring all the people in

who love on every ounce of you

dont fix anyone. dont save anyone.

thats God's job

take people for who they are

and what they can offer you

and your on your way to an immaculate life

so much love

God bless



text messaging at its finest

day three of my no facebook journey

i have found other ways to occupy my time

and ill tell you reader

that i am a person of escape

i have learned  that there are things on this planet that can take

the human mind far from reality 

and into a place of comfort 

where no pain can reside

so i will eat

facebook

play games on my phone

text someone new

watch tv

or sleep

simply to escape the thoughts in my head

now, on ash wednesday

i am attacking these thoughts head on with no numbing device allowed

and i just laid by myself

and cried

and cried

for reasons i dont even understand yet

and after all my friends abandoning me

and making me feel like i deserve nothing 

my boyfriend is always there to save the day

whether he intends or not

and the conversation was so bittersweet

and perfect. 

im going to let you read it too

me- "and i continue to wonder why i feel this way about myself, 

or how i can be so loving and no one loves me. 

maybe its the friends that i keep that just make me 

hate myself so much and its interesting because im not sure

 if you understand the severe roll you play in my life"

him- "dont worry about anything, your the person

 i wish i could be. your amazing, you brighten my 

day among others, and there is many others. 

you are the best thing that has ever happened to me,

 your funny, you speak your mind, 

and you are grateful for everything you receive at the

 same time. your my angel to say the least" 

me- "im just laying here alone, uncontrollably crying for reasons i 

dont understand, and all the words you just sent me make it

 so worth it for me to want to wake up every morning and 

make something of myself. but i will admit to you and only 

you that i am giving up. im hurting so terribly. i love you 

and i dont want to feel like this about myself anymore" 

him- "you are everyones everything
there is absolutely no reason for you to think like that. 

You. Are. The. Shit"

and just like that, you realize the people in your life now

are there for a reason.

God is good. 

xo

addiction

im beginning to feel empathy for the people who are addicted to things

i dont think i understood the agony of giving up and addiction

its been 2 days since ive been on facebook

AND IM FREAKIN OUT

ive almost gone through 100 pages of cute DIY stuff online

i need a new hobby! 

through my eyes

i think i see the world differently than other people do

and i wish i knew why i am so alone in my outlook

why do i have to be so different

my biggest flaw is how loving i am

and i have known that for a long time

known for a long time that i am ridiculously loving

and that it is a ridiculously strange flaw

but it is real

i just deactivated my facebook for the first time in 

seven years

i love being involved in peoples lives

and knowing what is going on

and seeing how gorgeous the world is

beyond my visual

but i just dont understand

how there are so many terrible people in this world

who consistantly get away with it as well

i mean i bet those terrible people have tons of friends

who want to be friends with them

and who are reliable

i wonder what that would be like

you know

to have that friend that always has your back

kinda thing

and its interesting

because if you know me

and your reading this

you would think i have TONS of friends

and i thought that too until about 10 minutes ago

when two of my best friends lit up my phone

with text messages

about what a sucky person i am

which i dont really want to take personally

but i think im going to 

i think im shutting down

or i think God is testing me

to see just how much i will love His creation

until i snap at the pressure

loving people is tough work

and being that people know i am so loving

i think is a downfall

being loving

will also be taken for

brown nosing, sucking up, kissing ass, being fake, being annoying

insecurity, loneliness, trying too hard to impress others, or 

a big sign that says "HEY DO ME A FAVOR!

YOU SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME TODAY!"

i guess im just sour

or exhausted

why did God have to make me so nice

i want to be a mean girl 

with bad intentions

and hurt people because i wanted to

not because i did everything i could

to fix them and make them better

and there issues were out of my control

and it makes me not want to do anything nice

for anyone anymore

and i hate when people call me selfish

or say that i am a liar

or say i dont do anything for them

please.....is that a joke.

when no one loves you, i do

when no one needs you, i do

when no one cares about you, i do

when you see one set of foot prints in the sand...you werent alone

i was carrying you. 

i love with a hear that God gave me, and a heart God gave His son

and thats awesome, cool, i get it, i have a job to do, thanks God

for making everyone hate me. 

but i trust You, and love You, and believe in You

and i cant wait until You give me a mountain

so i can appreciate it with everything i have

because this valley that i have been dragged through

has seen enough of me, as i have of it. 

God bless

challenges

i have a new challenge for myself

and its actually a BIG one

i have decided that for lent this year

im going to take it seriously

since for the first time in my life long catholic faith

i have a full understanding of what lent is

so here we go in the list of destructive things in my life

that im going to get rid of as much as i can

-staying up all night

-eating out too much

-complaining

-not blogging

-facebooking

-poor time management

-taking things for granted

-not working

-not serving

-not volunteering

sooooooo for lent we are gonna try for

-going to bed before midnight

-doing school work on time agead of time

-more tea

-more organic food

-positive thinking

-no fast food

-no junk food

-no desert

-more praying

-more volunteering

-more working

-being grateful for every minute

and blogging about every minute of it

life is gorgeous. pray for my new endevours.....god bless

im still here

no worries everyone

im still alive

and well

just severely exhausted

and far from motivated

and inspired

im sure good things will come soon

until then

keep your head up

and God bless

I have never seen a picture hold so much truth