through my eyes

i think i see the world differently than other people do

and i wish i knew why i am so alone in my outlook

why do i have to be so different

my biggest flaw is how loving i am

and i have known that for a long time

known for a long time that i am ridiculously loving

and that it is a ridiculously strange flaw

but it is real

i just deactivated my facebook for the first time in 

seven years

i love being involved in peoples lives

and knowing what is going on

and seeing how gorgeous the world is

beyond my visual

but i just dont understand

how there are so many terrible people in this world

who consistantly get away with it as well

i mean i bet those terrible people have tons of friends

who want to be friends with them

and who are reliable

i wonder what that would be like

you know

to have that friend that always has your back

kinda thing

and its interesting

because if you know me

and your reading this

you would think i have TONS of friends

and i thought that too until about 10 minutes ago

when two of my best friends lit up my phone

with text messages

about what a sucky person i am

which i dont really want to take personally

but i think im going to 

i think im shutting down

or i think God is testing me

to see just how much i will love His creation

until i snap at the pressure

loving people is tough work

and being that people know i am so loving

i think is a downfall

being loving

will also be taken for

brown nosing, sucking up, kissing ass, being fake, being annoying

insecurity, loneliness, trying too hard to impress others, or 

a big sign that says "HEY DO ME A FAVOR!

YOU SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME TODAY!"

i guess im just sour

or exhausted

why did God have to make me so nice

i want to be a mean girl 

with bad intentions

and hurt people because i wanted to

not because i did everything i could

to fix them and make them better

and there issues were out of my control

and it makes me not want to do anything nice

for anyone anymore

and i hate when people call me selfish

or say that i am a liar

or say i dont do anything for them

please.....is that a joke.

when no one loves you, i do

when no one needs you, i do

when no one cares about you, i do

when you see one set of foot prints in the sand...you werent alone

i was carrying you. 

i love with a hear that God gave me, and a heart God gave His son

and thats awesome, cool, i get it, i have a job to do, thanks God

for making everyone hate me. 

but i trust You, and love You, and believe in You

and i cant wait until You give me a mountain

so i can appreciate it with everything i have

because this valley that i have been dragged through

has seen enough of me, as i have of it. 

God bless