text messaging at its finest

day three of my no facebook journey

i have found other ways to occupy my time

and ill tell you reader

that i am a person of escape

i have learned  that there are things on this planet that can take

the human mind far from reality 

and into a place of comfort 

where no pain can reside

so i will eat

facebook

play games on my phone

text someone new

watch tv

or sleep

simply to escape the thoughts in my head

now, on ash wednesday

i am attacking these thoughts head on with no numbing device allowed

and i just laid by myself

and cried

and cried

for reasons i dont even understand yet

and after all my friends abandoning me

and making me feel like i deserve nothing 

my boyfriend is always there to save the day

whether he intends or not

and the conversation was so bittersweet

and perfect. 

im going to let you read it too

me- "and i continue to wonder why i feel this way about myself, 

or how i can be so loving and no one loves me. 

maybe its the friends that i keep that just make me 

hate myself so much and its interesting because im not sure

 if you understand the severe roll you play in my life"

him- "dont worry about anything, your the person

 i wish i could be. your amazing, you brighten my 

day among others, and there is many others. 

you are the best thing that has ever happened to me,

 your funny, you speak your mind, 

and you are grateful for everything you receive at the

 same time. your my angel to say the least" 

me- "im just laying here alone, uncontrollably crying for reasons i 

dont understand, and all the words you just sent me make it

 so worth it for me to want to wake up every morning and 

make something of myself. but i will admit to you and only 

you that i am giving up. im hurting so terribly. i love you 

and i dont want to feel like this about myself anymore" 

him- "you are everyones everything
there is absolutely no reason for you to think like that. 

You. Are. The. Shit"

and just like that, you realize the people in your life now

are there for a reason.

God is good. 

xo